past and future
I knew this guy in the past that I was very much in loved with.. never felt anything like it since.. the feelings weren't mutual, but even so, he was the first and only guy that ever gave me a flower.. was a white rose.. he said it was white because it meant respect and that's what he felt for me the most.. nothing else as deep.. by giving me a red one meaning love and passion would have meant a lie.. I didn't deserved to be lied.. so was only honest and fair to receive a white one.. I always waited for that red rose to come.. it never did but when it will come it will be from that special person.. also he never was there when I had my big moments.. no one from those I kept in my heart couldn't make it because there were other more important things lined up that couldn't be missed.. so I had my driving license exam, my dissertation exam, my first private view, and he couldn't be there.. there was my birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter.. the same.. the only ones that were always there and they never failed to come were my family which I adore and some of my friends.. I'm still looking for that person to put me first for once and do all this things I never asked for but hoped will happen naturally without even being mentioned just because that person felt to do so as sign of respect, affection, or what else it can be called as.. I always dreamed of a romantic birthday and I will not stop dreaming about it until it will happen and when I will be 80 maybe that person will eventually show up at my door with the 80 red roses awaited.. I'm tired of waiting but I will do wait because I'm so damn understanding and I have faith that it will come, but as usual has other better things lined up to attend..