Feeling lost


Lately I go to bed late and I wake up late. I have low energy. I plan mentally and on paper my next day and nothing from the list happens. I feel defeated, when I see that half day is gone, I have no discipline, no commitment, no goals, no action. I am staying inert, lost for hours in my thoughts, as if paralysed by my stagnant and sedentary state.

I don't know the order of things to start in order to get the ball rolling and feel back the energy. All that I feel is pure fear of growing up and being alone in the process. I have little interest in doing anything. I just want to be free, in the nature, in the sun, alone until I feel strong again. 

Today for some reason I've been feeling this tension in my stomach. I don't know if is anxiety, stress, nervousness. I have not eaten anything before that. They say the gut is our second brain. I feel this tension as a connection to someone, a sense of call from someone and a sudden cut, a disconnect, like a communication breakdown. I have little apetite. I had some dates, rocket salad and a banana. For the past months I keep on seeing few times per day 11, 22, 33, 44, 55, 00, 11:11, 12:12, 13:13, 14:14, 15:15, 16:16, 17:17, 18:18, 19:19, 20:20, 21:21, 22:22, 23:23, 00:00. I am shutting down. I feel that when people force me to get back to work and join the system, that I am going to get trapped again and lose my freedom to go out and do what I want, when I want. I don't want a job to feel like a chain to my ankle where I do what I am told and feel like a zombie doing automatic things just to pay the bills.

 Today I heard this and it resonated so much with me. Correlation does not necessarily equal causation.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to assemble your Wacom Intuos pen

Image
After being asked how to disassemble a Wacom Intuos4 pen, I've decided to write a separate post on this topic. In the photo below I've numbered each step in the exact order of how I disassembled each element of my Intuos4 Wacom pen. 1. Remove the pen circular head by unscrewing it. 2. Pull gentle the button and you should hear a click when it's out as it's fitted like a lego piece in 2 holes. by 2 plastic pins.  3. Slide gently the top half of the pen (the plastic grip). 4. This part should be easy as the bottom half of the pen comes out fairly easily (a.here in the eraser cap you should have 2 small springs that normally go inside of each other, b. there is a rail inside it through which you should slide the circuit board when you assemble it and it helps you to position it correctly) 5. This is the protective housing where the board is kept. 6. Slide gently the circuit board from the plastic main housing. Please find the steps in the follo...
Read more

Wacom Intuos4 pen stylus repair

Image
Yesterday the right button of my pen from Wacom Intuos4 stopped working and was feeling a bit stiff too.. Gino got it open to see what was the problem.. it obviously needed repair as something inside the pen kept on bouncing.. 2 little springs came out from the eraser nib, and then the entire printed circuit board was taken out.. a small square piece of metal disattached fell off.. this was obviously the problem.. it was the component that makes the button work.. reassembled it carefully using the tweezers to have it working for a day and now back to square one.. same thing.. the piece fell off again.. there are some small claws to it to grab onto the PCB but it looks like there is no place to fit them in, so I glued the entire piece on the sides.. is drying now, so fingers crossed and hope it will work this time.. it's pretty expensive to replace it with a new one as on amazon is at £65.. I'm a graphic designer so I need my pen on daily basis.. especially ...
Read more

How to fix your Wacom Intuos4 pen stylus

Image
Yesterday my wacom pen stylus just fell from my hand right onto the tip. I don't know how it slipped but the button jumped and I could see through the button holes the PCB. I unscrewed the pen tip and removed the rubber grip. I cleaned it on the inside from collected dust (just like you would get with the wheel mouse), and put everything back in. To put everything back in I started with the rubber grip which slided over the plastic pen, then put the button back into the holes and pressed gently until I heard a click which meant the buttons became stable. At last I screwed the pen tip back and now my pen it's functioning normal. If there are people clumsy like me hope this post will help you solve your problem. I added a photo to visualize it better :) Good luck everyone! For more info please check my other post where I fixed a different problem with the button and it's all explained with the aid of photos.
Read more